Never Alone
by DC World
Summary: my attempt at writing second person. An angsty one-shot about Cody


**This is semi inspired by chapters 27 and 28 of Ellie's R2. I had a story idea that went with this, but that idea has been morphed and changed so many times that this doesn't fit anymore. Just so you know, this is kind of random, a little bit depressing and a tad bit cliché. But I thought I might as well post it and see what people think. It's highly unlikely that something will come from this. This is also the first time I have written more then a couple of paragraphs in second person which kind of makes me happy. There are bits and pieces of this that bother me and I know that the end is a tad bit rushed and messy, but overall I like it. **

You let out an involuntary shudder as you splash cold water onto your face. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath you try desperately to gain some control over your rising anxiety. The pounding of your heartbeat in your eardrums seems to echo throughout the rather lavish bathroom of your penthouse suite, and you are momentarily surprised that nobody else can hear it. It wouldn't have made much of a difference anyways if they could , seeing as you are the only one here.

Slowly you open your eyes and glance at your reflection in the mirror above the sink. The person staring back at you is a complete stranger. And you hate him. You despise everything about him, from his dishevelled hair and pasty complexion to the large red wine stain on his cashmere sweater vest. He looks weak and sick. And suddenly a realization dawns on you. Maybe he is sick. You begin to hyperventilate, causing you to feel light headed. Taking another deep breath, you try to reason with yourself . _Calm down Cody, it's okay. The doctor said both your platelet and white blood cell counts were normal. There is nothing to worry about. _Still you roll up the sleeves of your shirt and pants - searching for bruises. Then you place your hand on your forehead to check for a fever. Everything seems normal. You know you are paranoid, but the obsessive checking helps. You look down at the sink for a second and then back up at the mirror, but he - that vile man - is still there. _This is what the face of Corporate America looks like ? _you think miserably as you keep staring at your reflection, _God help us all. _

You reach down for the three quarters full bottle of whiskey that is lying on the ground by the large bathtub and twist off the cap. You take a big swig and then momentarily lean up against the sink to prevent yourself from falling over. Not one to drink very often and ever the light weight, the alcohol is starting to affect you and you know that this was not one of your smartest ideas. Then again, you and smart ideas have not been seeing eye to eye lately.

Letting out a sigh you dig into the pocket of your tailored pants and pull out a diamond engagement ring. It feels rather heavy in your hands and you have the sudden urge to just flush it down the toilet. But you don't do it, you can't. What if she decided to take you back? If you flushed away the ring then you couldn't give it back to her. You could just go buy another one, you certainly did have the money. But it wouldn't be the same. You had spent hours and hundreds of thousands of dollars getting the prefect ring designed for her. And now you aren't even a hundred percent sure if it was worth it.

You shake your head at your own thoughts. _If she decided to take you back? Why the hell would she do that? _She most definitely deserved someone better then you.

You place the ring back in your pocket and bring the bottle back up to your mouth. But at the last moment you stop yourself from taking another sip. _What the hell happened to me? _You pour the rest of the whiskey down the sink. You don't need to add alcoholism to your ever growing list of problems and worries. _I got sick, that's what happened. _There was no question about it. The day you had been diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia at age 24 had been the turning point of your life. Prior to that you had everything. A beautiful and rich fiancée, a child on the way and an almost guaranteed job at one of the biggest hotel chains in the world. Now all you had was a women who most likely never wanted to see you again, a son you hardly ever see or know anything about and a job that demands you to be one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. In fact, you figure the only reason you still have your job is because of your personal connection to the Tipton family. And now that London Tipton apparently no longer wanted to marry you, it most likely won't last much longer.

Sliding down onto the floor, you bring your knees to your chest and slowly begin to rock back and forth. You feel foolish, confused and betrayed; just like you did when your parents were still together, unsuccessfully trying to cover up the fact that their marriage was ripping apart at the seems. You feel alone. Trapped. And you know that if you don't do something soon you will drift out to far to be brought back.

Closing your eyes, you stop rocking, lean your head against the wall and forced yourself to be whisked off to a different place, different time. And although in reality happened only just down the hall and a couple of years ago, it seems like worlds away.

Causally, you are lying on your bed, discreetly watching her from over the top your magazine as she slips off her cocktail dress and changes into a light pink negligee. A cheeky grin crosses your face as she pulls the pins out her hair and shakes her head. Suddenly she stops and turns to look at you, causing you pull the magazine a tad bit higher to hide your eyes. You wait for a moment, allowing her time to go back to her pre-bedtime routine. You know that if you keep this up she is going to catch you. But you can't help yourself, you have to take another peak. And the sight before you makes you unexpectedly catch your breathe. With her wavy, slightly unruly, ebony hair falling freely in front of her face, partially covering her now make-up free face, she is the depiction of all that is beautiful. Secretly, you wish she would look like this all the time. But she hates it when she doesn't look neat, prim and proper. And almost as if you she can read your thoughts she scowls slightly before pulling her hair. back into a lose ponytail. She pauses for a moment before smirking in your direction. " Nice try," she chuckles as she slinks over and grabs the magazine from your hand. " I see what you're doing here." You just shrug your shoulders innocently, causing her to let out another chuckle before leaning in to kiss you on lips. God, I love her, so much, you think as you kiss her back. You let out a throaty moan as her lips leave your and slowly descend your jaw line. And then you feel yourself starting to lose control as her right hand suddenly slide s underneath your silk boxers and slowly begins to creep-

A loud knocking a door, followed by " Cody, open up" pulls you out of your fantasy and the reality of the situation hits you like a tidal wave. Quickly you open your eyes and stand up, instinctively glancing down, surprised to find that there isn't any proof of how realistic your fantasy had been. Suddenly you are overcome by a bought nausea and you grab hold of the side of the toilet, lean over and wait for worst. But nothing happens. A moment later you slowly stand upright and turned to face the door as the knocking persist

" Come on Codes, I know you're in there. Please, just open up little brother."

You keep staring at the door, but don't answer or move to open it. A part of you wants him to just go away and let you curl up on this bathroom floor, fall asleep and never wake up. But there is another part, a part that at times barely seemed to register but a part none the less, that wanted him to never leave. You know whole-heartedly that if it had not been for your brother you never would have made it through that first bought of depression- or all the others for that matter. And that if you had any hope of making it out this time it would be because of him.

You hear him lean up against the locked bathroom door. There is a moment of silence before he lets out a sigh. " You are so special, Cody, did anyone ever tell you that? You work so hard, trying to do the right thing, trying to help everyone. You are a wonderful person. "

You shake your head, even though you know he can't see you. " That's not true Zack," you whisper in response, " it's not true."

" Yes it is. I'm the man I am today of you." You can tell that he trying to hold back tears and you feel ashamed. You never meant to hurt anyone, especially not him. " And you never gave up on me, so I'm never going to give up on you. So, please, Cody, for the love of God," there is a slight pause as he chokes back his tears, " please come out here and let me help you, please."

For a fleeting second you glance at the empty bottle, then the floor which only moments ago seemed like to ideal place to lie down and waste away. And then you back at the door, imagining your normally seemingly indestructible older brother leaning up against it, tears now freely running down his face. Slowly you reach for the door and unlock it. Because deep down you know that although at times you may feel alone, you never truly are. You'll always have him. And that no matter what life throws at you, that will never change.

**As always, reviews would totally make my day. Bonus blueberry muffins for anyone who can spot the Dawson's Creek reference. **


End file.
